Christmas season is back upon us and it is by far my favorite yet also busiest time of the year. I don’t know about you but the day after Halloween until January 2 feels like you are stepping into the crazy train season where you have to hold on for dear life, a detailed calendar, and all of the scissors, tape, and gift wrap. There is no shortage of events and entertainment you can participate in to make sure that your Christmas season is packed with all of the joy and excitement that it could possibly bring. As if you aren’t already trying to get teacher gifts, end-of-the-year projects, holiday parties, and all of your Christmas shopping jammed into a few weeks, we also have the added pressure of daily excitement. Advent calendars, elf on the shelf, and Hallmark movie marathons make each day leading up to Christmas full of excitement, gifts, and entertainment.

I remember a conversation I had with my husband when we had our first son. How do we handle Christmas and teach him the true meaning? Are we going to be a Santa family? How many gifts do we give? We had so many wonderful friends who took the discipleship of their children seriously and had great ideas. Some families only gave three presents – a want, a need, and a book – just like how Jesus received three presents. Others decided to forego Santa and keep the focus on Christ’s birth. Some decided to enjoy Santa but have all of the gifts come from the parents. Some families continued the traditions I had as a kid where Santa is real and he brings you gifts only if you make the nice list. As I looked into it more and carefully considered what would be the best option for our family, I realized there were many ways Christian parents go about doing Christmas.

Gabe and I weren’t exactly on the same page so we each shared our preferences and ultimately came to a decision in the middle. There is something magical about Christmas as a kid and we wanted our kids to experience that and have incredible memories just like we did growing up. We also decided that we would try our best to make sure our kids knew what Christmas was all about. We wanted to do Advent devotions and build the same expectation that the Jewish people had in the Old Testament as they waited for the promised Messiah. We would make sure that the Christmas story was the main event on Christmas morning by reading Luke 2 and making sure they knew the best gift they could ever receive was the gift of salvation that Jesus graciously offers us. We had a plan and felt good about it.

Fast forward several years to multiple crazy, loud, rambunctious kids trying to overtake our house. I can’t tell you how many times I have said the thing I said I would never say. “Santa is watching you and you’re going to be on the naughty list!!!” “Stop hitting your sister, you’re going to get a lump of coal for Christmas!” It just kept coming out! It was like this free little extra seasonal discipline tool that I got to use for a month every year. And then, they found out about the dang Elf on the Shelf. “Why does little Tommy down the street have an elf and we don’t?” I tried to convince them that they would probably get on the naughty list if we had an elf but that only worked on one of my kids. Eloise realized she would never make the nice list with an extra set of eyes on her in the house and told me she DID NOT want an elf! However, Eli was persistent and next thing you know, Peppermint came into our lives.

I can’t tell you how many mornings I have woken up in a panic because I forgot to move the elf the night before! In an already chaotic season, it felt like an added layer of stress to add this additional daily chore and instead of the hopeful expectation of our Savior coming on Christmas morning, I grew full of stress and worry that my kids were missing the point. Their holidays were magical, they frantically woke up and searched every morning to find Peppermint and the antics he had gotten himself into. Next to Peppermint, it was impossible to keep the Advent stories as exciting and entertaining. Christmas morning came and the presents I had spent countless hours searching for and wrapping up were torn through in a matter of minutes. And just like that, Christmas was over. I remember sitting on the couch exhausted and wondering if any of it was sinking in. Can you relate?

Maybe you are in the same boat this year. Maybe you too feel worried that your children are too focused on the gifts and the experiences rather than the Savior. Maybe you feel regret over the things you have introduced that you now feel you have to keep up with. If that’s you, I am going to share a spicy opinion that many may not agree with: the events that happen for a few weeks every year are not going to make or break your kid’s theology. Here’s what I mean by that. If you are a family that goes to church a couple of times a year (Christmas/Easter) and feel like you can teach your kid about Christianity by sharing the Christmas and Easter story when they come up annually, that probably won’t affect their view of God that you practice for the rest of the year. On the flip side, if you are a family that has taken in a lot of secular Christmas ideas (Santa, elves etc.), that probably won’t affect their view of God that you practice for the rest of the year.

In my experience, it’s not the events that happen a few times a year that ultimately build the faith and worldview of your kids. It’s the daily habits, conversations, and spiritual practices that will shape their worldview and build their spiritual muscles. Think of this like building real muscles in the gym. Muscles aren’t built by heading into the gym 2 times a year and achieving a big workout. Likewise, muscles aren’t depleted if we take a week off or if we indulge in some extra sweets every now and then. What anyone in the fitness space will tell you is that it’s consistency that yields the best results. It’s the same for our spiritual health. It’s the consistent time reading God’s Word, the consistent prayers, the consistent family devotionals, and the consistent prayer times that form our habits and the habits of our kids. I want to share a quick story with you about how I saw this play out in our house recently.

A few weeks ago, my kids began asking about when the elf would come back. I took a deep breath already thinking of all the energy that the elf entails. My oldest son came to me when his little sister left the room and said, “Mom, I know.” “Know what?!” I replied. He continued, “I know that the elf isn’t real.” “What do you mean?” I kept playing dumb. “Why do you think the elf isn’t real?” The next words that came out of his mouth were shocking. “Well, I remember reading in the Bible that God is the only one who can see us all the time. So that means that Santa can’t always be watching. So that means that Santa isn’t real. And if Santa isn’t real, then the elf can’t be real. And the tooth fairy and the Easter bunny and all that stuff.” My eyes filled with tears. I had been so worried about this one month of the year and all of its activities messing up the true Christmas story and he just spat this out so matter-of-factly. I was so proud of him, and I made sure to tell him what a great job he did of using discernment. I then asked him how he felt about it all. If he was sad knowing the truth. I was worried that once the “magic” of Christmas was gone, it would be a letdown. Instead, he said, “No, I’m not sad. But I do want to help you do the elf this year!”

I can’t tell you how much this conversation has meant to me. In addition to my kids coming to saving faith in Christ and loving Him, I also want them to use wisdom to discern truth. It’s something we talk about a lot in our house. I wanted to share this story with you, not because my kids are perfect. Definitely not because I am doing Christmas “correctly” and if you just follow this protocol, your kids will become Christians and love Jesus. I am absolutely not the poster child for teaching your kids the best theologically sound Christmas principles. I am sharing this with you because I see it from a different perspective. I don’t think these fun things we add for a short few weeks every year are going to derail your child’s theology and relationship with Christ. I also don’t think if you take your kids to church twice a year, they will have a great understanding of God. Here is what I do think. I think much more than the holiday magic, the daily conversations and rhythms matter most.

My son said he was able to put 2 and 2 together about Santa because of what he knew to be true about God in scripture. Which means he had to know something about scripture. It wasn’t reading Luke 2 once a year, it was the (not always) daily devotions we have with him. It was praying together every night before he goes to sleep. It was the Bible podcasts we sometimes listen to in the car. It was the countless conversations and storytelling about who God is and what he’s like. So, if you’re like me and you feel like Christmas has turned into a bottomless pit of secular fun with a little Jesus sprinkled on top and you feel bad about that or discouraged, I want to encourage you that this isn’t a sprint, it’s a marathon. You have all year long to teach your kids about Jesus and the incredible gift He has given us in coming to earth in human form, living a sinless life, taking on our sins, and dying on the cross.

As January 1 is fast approaching, maybe think of a practice you want to start implementing with your kids this year. It could be as simple as reading the verse of the day on the Bible app over breakfast in the morning. It’s the little moments, day after day, week after week over a lifetime of raising kids that will have the biggest impact. And remember, you aren’t alone in this. Your heavenly father wants nothing more than to equip you with everything you need to disciple your kids. Start today by praying and asking him for guidance.